Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
