In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
