Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
