Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
