btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
