She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
