my shit smells like andre
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
