My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
