I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
