the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
