And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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