Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
