awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
