You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
