i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
