The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
