$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
