you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
