matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
