Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
