apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's always time for handjobs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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