Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
