People with herpes should wear stickers.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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