Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
