Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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