Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
