i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
