As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
