I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
