and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
