you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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