the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
