Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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