I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
