Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
