You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
