sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
