I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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