I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
