i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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