Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry about my life...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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