i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
