All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
