He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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