i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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