what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
