so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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