Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't notice because vodka
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
