I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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