he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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