I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
