saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
