I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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