Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
