Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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